Mom's Good Report

Scott made pumpkin pancakes and Blossom wanted in on it.  

It wasn't just Blossom.  Take a look at the bottom left of this picture. 

Today was a good day.  My area was surrounded by record breaking snow yet, my house didn't get even one flake!  Until today, that is.  Snow fell for about an hour this morning but with a temperature of 35, it didn't stick.  Mom's appointment with her cardiologist was scheduled for 10:15.  Due to snow all around our area, their office didn't open until 10:00 a.m.  Everyone scheduled before that time was cancelled and rescheduled for late January.  You may recall, back in October, Mom had an echo cardiogram and we were supposed to get the results about a month ago.  Dr. Schmidt decided to go out of town so we were rescheduled for today.  

In October, I sat in the room with Mom while she had her Echo (heart ultrasound).  I looked at the screen for about 2 minutes until I just couldn't take it anymore.  It looked to me like her heart valve was one of those inflatables that you see at car dealerships just blowing haphazardly in the wind.  I thought to myself, "I don't think it is supposed to do that; this can't be good".  So, I spent the next 15 minutes staring outside into the rainy parking lot wondering how we were going to handle the bad news from the doctor.  My brain immediately thought, "Mom is going to need major surgery.  That is, if her heart is even strong enough to have surgery at all.  How am I going to deal with all of this?  I'm weak; I can't handle things" (A lie I tell myself regularly). I immediately started dreading the follow up appointment.  "How am I going to react when the doctor tells us the bad news?  I have to be strong for Mom.  I can't cry."  This was 2 days before we went on our beach trip.  

As usual, my anticipatory anxiety is much worse than my actual anxiety.  As always, I was fine.  And the news we received today was really good!  Mom is still in atrial fibrillation (A-fib) but, her blood pressure is good, her heart rate is good, she feels good (except for being tired) and the doctor thought her Echo looked pretty good.  She goes for a nuclear stress test in 3 months just to make sure there are no blockages in her valves.  

I see my therapist, Natalie, on Wednesday.  She is doing a very different kind of therapy with me called EMDR therapy.  I had never heard of it until my massage therapist mentioned that she had it done many years ago and thought I might benefit from it.  Turns out, that is what my therapist thinks as well.  I won't go into explaining it but it is fascinating.  I've never been through an actual "trauma"  (thank you God) but it is what they use for people who have PTSD or trauma in their life.  I just have a head full of "what ifs" and "worst case scenarios".  Oh, and a phobia of doctors' offices that I trace back to my birth.  My motto has always been "The world is a dangerous place and I must be prepared".  Such a strange thing for a girl who is almost always happy.  I tell everyone that I have 2 different commentaries running through my head at all times.  One is super happy and always making myself laugh.  The other keeps reminding me that I need to be worrying about something.  There's a constant battle in my head and the happy commentator likes to make fun of the worrier commentator.  There is also the commentator that would really love to adopt a cat.