"She Tried (But Not Very Hard)"

So I came across an interesting blog idea...."Write your own obituary".  At first I thought, "Oh no, if I write my own obituary, I'll probably die.  And then, they'll probably use it as my real obituary.  Then that would be ironic".  (Scott says I use the word ironic incorrectly.)  But then I thought, why not?! 

So here goes....

Julie Kristin Helms Lanford was born in 19** in Charlotte, North Carolina.  She was born in Charlotte, but that was only because there were no hospitals in Waxhaw, where her parents lived.  She was the daughter of Johnny & Doris.  Sister of Kevin.  Wife of Scott.  Sister-in-law of Rana.  Aunt to Laura and Daniel.  Julie loved her big family and had OVER 50 aunts & uncles (that is counting their spouses).  She loved all of her aunts, uncles & cousins (well the majority of them) but she especially loved her Grandmother Helms.  Grandma Helms was the only grandparent Julie ever knew and they shared a special bond.   

Julie loved Jesus with her whole heart.  She tried to be like Jesus but failed miserably.  Julie always strived to have a super clean house but that never happened.  It was usually cluttered with dirty clothes strewn everywhere, days old dirty dishes in the kitchen and cat pee on the laundry room floor.  She wanted to be a great cook but frankly, never had the patience.    

Julie was an average student that made average grades.  She was a community college dropout that went on to great success in commercial real estate; a line of work that she found rather dull and boring.   Her husband said that every time something got hard, Julie quit & gave up.  Julie agreed that was pretty accurate.   

Julie loved her animals.  Over the years Julie had many pets; all of of which were special to her.  Her best friend in the world was her nearly toothless cat, Greta Sue.  

Julie had an unnatural fondness for chocolate milk (see name of this blog) and saltine crackers. 

Nothing in the world gave Julie greater pleasure than spending time with her niece and nephew and then getting to leave them.  She loved her parents more than life itself and was thankful for everything that they taught her.  

Julie would like to send a shout out to all of her friends...."What up?"  If Julie were still here today, she'd be trying to clean her house, exercise, eat healthier & learn French.   Oh & laughing about something....everything.  She loved to find the humor in life.  Her favorite thought was, "It could always be worse." 

PS.  Julie would like for Scott to know that she is watching him and after an acceptable period of grieving he is allowed to remarry.  But only if the woman is ugly.

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Wow, reading that fake obituary made me realize that I might be the dullest person ever.  That's ok though because I love my life and I wouldn't change a thing!  (Except I'd like to hire a maid, personal chef & a personal trainer.)