I've been sitting here staring at the blank page for a while wondering what to type.  Part of me feels like I should write a post about Thanksgiving and how wonderfully blessed I am.  The other part just wants to say that I feel like I'm on a roller coaster.  This past week delivered more falls from Dad, 4 medical appointments for my parents, 2 hair appointments for my parents, 1 hair appointment for myself and a dog that is declining in her ability to move.  

Blossom loves to stand between your legs; now she just wheels herself over to do it! 

Blossom looks "normal" when you see her standing with her wheels.  She looks "normal" when she is lying around the house.  The problem is that she can't sit with her wheelchair on so she doesn't have it on very much during the day.  She has to drag her back legs around on the floor to get around the house.  It is getting harder and harder and it is hard to watch.  As I've said before, the doctors say she feels no pain and she still seems as happy as a clam.  

This week I was told by the Sepsis nurse that I have to stay on top of any possible UTI's for Dad.  A home health nurse taught me that due to Dad's age, he will first present with confusion.  If I feel like he is groggy or confused, I am to get him to a doctor ASAP to avoid Sepsis.  I also have to keep him from falling AND stay on top of his blood pressure which was very high tonight.  Sometimes I feel like I'm in one of those "escape rooms" and I have to solve the problems correctly or time will run out for my parents.  I love my parents dearly - they are my life - I just don't want the pressure of making medical decisions responsible for keeping them alive.  I want to soak up every minute I can with them without feeling like I am already grieving for what they can no longer do.  

There, I said it.  That's the raw of all of it.  I'm really doing ok.  I'm thankful that God has sent me an amazing therapist to tell me I'm not crazy and remind me to breathe.  I'm thankful for the sweetest, most appreciative parents.  I'm thankful for my family which includes my aunts, uncles and cousins who are more support than they could ever know.  

Doing my best....

Also....

Home Sweet Home

Dad is home and doing well.  Mom seems so much more relaxed now that he is back where he belongs.  

Mom loves to look out the front window.  

There is an estate attorney in my building who I have hired to help get Mom and Dad's papers in order.  I have been an acquaintance of Judy Linville and her staff for several years but didn't realize everything they offer.  I often chit chat with Judy and Cindy, one of her employees, but never about work.  To my surprise, Cindy is a social worker who specializes in elder care.  She lost her father to Alzheimer's and her mother is currently in Hospice at a memory care facility.  I had a consultation with Cindy last Friday to discuss getting some help for my parents.  Tuesday, I have a meeting with a Nurse on who will evaluate our situation.  I feel relieved that professional help is on the way!  It would only be for 2 mornings per week right now but that will go a long way.  

As it turns out, Cindy leads a Christian Caregivers support group at her church.  I'm excited to join her group when it returns to Zoom in January.  God is so good.

I feel like I've had enough joy for a little while!  

Wednesday, I took my mom to an appointment with her doctor.  I had spoken with him beforehand about my concerns.  She is easily confused and a few times, she has seen and heard things that weren't there.  Mom was so sure I had been in her house last Tuesday when I had not.  Her doctor noticed that her blood pressure was low and he thought that maybe she isn't getting enough oxygen to her brain.  He lowered her medication dosage.  I feel like this confusion has slowly been coming on longer than she has had low blood pressure; however, I feel like we will figure it out eventually.  

Daniel thought it would be great to dress up as a Christmas tree.  

We had record breaking rain fall this week.  Here is the creek behind my house.  All of my life, I never knew the creek had a name until Google Maps.  This is the Cowhorn Branch:

Every time Dad goes to the hospital, he asks me to see if there are any Zagnut bars in the candy machine.  No, I had no idea what a Zagnut bar was.  When I packed his suitcase for rehab, I included a bag of Snickers, Three Musketeers and Kit Kats.  He told me on the phone that what he really wanted was a Zagnut bar.  Mom suggested that I try Cracker Barrel.  Bingo!

Scott suggested that I buy all of the bars they had.

Dad was beyond excited and told me he hadn't been able to find any for years.  (So why did he tell me that's what he wanted me to bring?)  I just found an online supplier and ordered him a whole box.  I doubt it will last long but I will keep him stocked.  

Pardon the language... As a true introvert, this pretty much sums it up: 

Uncertainty

It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep.  This has been a hard, hard week.  It started out on Monday with a phone call from my Mom.  "Your Dad fell and he can't get up".  "Is he conscious?" I asked.  "He was talking a little bit ago." she replied.  This began our hard week.  

Kevin drove a very confused Dad to the hospital Emergency Department.  After a CT scan confirmed that he had not injured his head, he was admitted for Sepsis.  Dad had just begun treatment for another UTI but it had escalated quickly into Sepsis.  For the first time, my "sharp as a tack" Dad was confused and had developed Delirium.  Due to Covid protocols he could only have one visitor per day.  I sat with him on Tuesday.  He seemed to be lucid at times but, he couldn't remember simple things like the town he has lived in for 85 years.  I was informed that this was common with UTI's at his age and that he may not regain his memory.  I was devastated and due to Covid, alone.  More days of confusion followed.  

Thursday, I went to see a Retina Specialist.  Within a few moments I was diagnosed with a rare disease called Acute Macular Neuroretinopathy.  What the Ophthalmologist could not explain over 3 visits, a specialist diagnosed in minutes.  He told me that this was the best diagnosis of all of the possible diagnosis it could have been.  I had more tests, including a test to check the arteries in my eye and told that if I don't hear from them the results were good.  My next appointment is scheduled for 3 months.  I am to chart my vision loss every other day to make sure it doesn't get worse.  My vision (with glasses) is 20/20; however, there is a blind spot in my left eye.  Thankfully, the loss is not in my dominant eye and with both eyes open, the other eye is compensating for the loss.  

This is how I am supposed to chart my vision loss: 

The blue blob represents where I have lost vision in my left eye.  

Back to Dad.  He was taken to a rehab center to continue treatment for his infection and receive therapy for his cognitive loss.  According to the therapists on his first day (today), he is doing really well and his cognition has returned.  I have no idea if that is the correct way to say it but, Dad is back to being Dad.  They plan to keep him for a week until he finishes his UTI meds.  I spoke with him on the phone and finally was able to breathe a sigh of relief.  That was until an hour later.  As I was on the phone with my brother,  he got a call, my cell phone got a call and mom's phone got a call from the rehab center.  It was a robocall saying that a staff member had tested positive for Covid-19 for the first time since July.  My heart sank.  Dad had mentioned to me on the phone that the workers would just come right up to you coughing. I didn't think too much about it at the time.  Now, it terrifies me.  

I've been knocked off of my feet, again.  I was already drained physically and mentally.  Now, I'm a little bit devastated. I'm going to have to give this to God and trust Him.  He loves my Daddy even more than I do.  I didn't tell my Mom; she would never make it through this time if she found out.  

I don't know how this will play out but I do know that God is in control.  

I also received some hard news this week that my sweet friend and most loyal blog reader, Lorraine, had a stroke.  I am heartbroken but praying that she will have a full recovery and be better than ever in the near future. 

A few good things:  

Daniel went as a hamster for Halloween.   This is year 3 for the hamster costume I paid to have expedited from China.  Money well spent.  

Daniel made Student of the Week.

He also made Papaw a card.  

2020 at my house: