Since I haven't posted in a while, I am going to post some recent photos from my phone.
Kevin and I took Daniel and Laura to visit The Daniel Stowe Botanical Gardens:
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Howdy Stranger! It's been a while since I last posted. Let me do a quick recap.
Rana's mom passed away in her arms. After spending around 6 weeks in Syria taking care of her mom and then her mom's affairs, Rana is home.
Dad came over to watch the Super Bowl. This was HUGE! Due to his health, he had not been to my house in many, many months. Not only was he able to come over to watch the game, he walked up and down the stairs to our basement. This is something he could not have done for well over a year.
Did you notice that Balto is sitting in the chair beside Dad?
Balto sees his groomer every 10 weeks. She posted this photo on Facebook after his last visit.
She made a whole 'nother dog out of his hair! She also did this with a Golden Retriever that she groomed the day before with a post that it is now "shedding season".
Mom's birthday (her first in Heaven) was on the 21st (February). Dad and I ate lunch in Sun City with 2 of their very best friends, Joann and Jerry Stoker. Later that day, I picked up some flowers that I had ordered for myself from a local florist.
For supper, we ordered out Five Guys and had a special birthday cake for Nana. She would have wanted her grandchildren to have cake! Oh Mom, we miss you so much.
Now that spring is here, we gave Blossom a much needed bath...
Today is my best friend's birthday. She turned 84 years old. Due to Covid restrictions, I didn't get to really see her. I didn't get to touch her hand, give her a hug or kiss her on the cheek.
Mom and Dad saw each other today for the first time since January 8th. They had to sit over 6 feet apart, wear masks and couldn't touch each other. Only one other person was allowed to visit so Kevin was there. Daniel and I stood across the parking lot and waved at Mom.
This is the first time Kevin and I have seen Mom in weeks. Each visit is only 20 minutes. How is this possible? How can there be a law keeping me from seeing my own mother? Yes, I get it....I know. It doesn't help.
During the visit, our dear friends, Tommy and Nancy Moore, drove by to show their love and support. Nancy has been my rock. I could have never gotten through this without Mrs. Nancy. She has been there for me throughout my entire life.
There are still so many questions. Where will Mom go when she is discharged? We were told that she needs long term care. How are we going to keep caring for Dad? We've been staying with him 24/7 for the past few weeks. He has fallen 3 times in the past week. How are we going to pay for all of this?
I've never been one to ask God "Why me?". I've always thought, "Why not me?" Last week I broke down. I questioned God. I yelled at God. I begged God for help. All I hear is silence. All I feel is nothing. I'm so thankful that I serve a God who is big enough to allow me to ask these questions. I know that God has a plan. I know that God is carrying me. I know that God is good. I'm just weary. Even with all of the support that I have, I feel alone. I've barely been to work in the past few weeks. I don't know how much longer I can keep that up.
Along with all of the fears and worries listed above I'm grieving. I'm grieving the life I knew. I grieve the Mom I knew. Mom is still physically here but she was changed by the infection. Her mind does not work like it did just a few weeks ago. She is so very sweet but she is confused. She sees things that aren't there. She is very mixed up. Dad isn't doing much better.
I'm stronger than I was when this all started. I've gotten the wind knocked out of me but I'll be ok. Through all of this, I still have joy. Joy that only can come from knowing Jesus.
Happy Birthday Mom. I love you more than you could possibly know.
New Year, Same Me! Feeling hopeful that Covid infections will get better as the year goes by.....
Let me begin by saying that Mom and Dad made it to the attorney's office on Wednesday. It wasn't without a little nervousness as they both had a little trouble walking from the car to the office. Long story short, Kevin and I are now both authorized to handle any situations that may arise regarding healthcare and finances. This is such a relief to know that we can help make their life easier by taking care of anything they might need.
My therapist pointed out to me that I've been stuck in fight or flight" mode due to managing healthcare emergencies with my parents. On my way home from work Thursday, I received a call from Mom. She wanted me to come over and check her blood pressure because she was getting a really low reading. I realized how right my therapist was about "fight or flight" mode. Unfortunately, Mom's doctor closed his office at Noon on New Year's Eve so I knew I couldn't call him and I did NOT want to go to the ER after our close brush with Covid the week before. Thankfully, Mom's blood pressure was a little better when I arrived. I've been checking it every day and so far, so good. I will get in touch with her doctor on Monday to see if he want to cut back on some of her medication. I am so looking forward to the holidays being over and doctor's offices being on a regular schedule.
I had a sort of epiphany today about taking care of my parents. I didn't choose caregiving, it chose me. Until now, I have been a reluctant caregiver. Not because I didn't want to care for my parents but because I was scared. I've been so afraid of making the wrong decision and I've been afraid of watching them struggle and lose the ability to do things that were once second nature. There have been at least 3 times now that I have ignored my Dad's wishes, made him go to the hospital, only to be told by the doctors that if we had waited any longer, he wouldn't have made it. Once, Dad went to bed and told me he was fine. I insisted on calling the ambulance and by the time he arrived at the hospital entrance the doctors were shocking his heart. I've decided to CHOOSE caregiving for my parents. I want to make their lives as easy as possible. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. Sure I wish that we had not reached this stage but I can do it. I will do everything I can to make their lives comfortable and happy. This doesn't mean that I'm going to do anything differently, I'm just going to better accept that this is where we are.
Currently, I am studying the book of John. In my study yesterday, I came across the verse where Jesus says, "I am the light of the world." (John 8:12a) As I was meditating on what that meant, the sun came out after 3 1/2 days of solid clouds and rain. I immediately thought to myself that sunshine represents hope to me. I then realized that is one of the many things Jesus is to me. He is the hope of the world.
While cleaning out my mom's living room closet yesterday, I came across some photos I had never seen before.
Daniel made a fireplace out of a can. What you can't see is the tea light inside of the can. Daniel is always creating. I document it here so that I can show him someday.
