Another November Week

I've been sitting here staring at the blank page for a while wondering what to type.  Part of me feels like I should write a post about Thanksgiving and how wonderfully blessed I am.  The other part just wants to say that I feel like I'm on a roller coaster.  This past week delivered more falls from Dad, 4 medical appointments for my parents, 2 hair appointments for my parents, 1 hair appointment for myself and a dog that is declining in her ability to move.  

Blossom loves to stand between your legs; now she just wheels herself over to do it! 

Blossom looks "normal" when you see her standing with her wheels.  She looks "normal" when she is lying around the house.  The problem is that she can't sit with her wheelchair on so she doesn't have it on very much during the day.  She has to drag her back legs around on the floor to get around the house.  It is getting harder and harder and it is hard to watch.  As I've said before, the doctors say she feels no pain and she still seems as happy as a clam.  

This week I was told by the Sepsis nurse that I have to stay on top of any possible UTI's for Dad.  A home health nurse taught me that due to Dad's age, he will first present with confusion.  If I feel like he is groggy or confused, I am to get him to a doctor ASAP to avoid Sepsis.  I also have to keep him from falling AND stay on top of his blood pressure which was very high tonight.  Sometimes I feel like I'm in one of those "escape rooms" and I have to solve the problems correctly or time will run out for my parents.  I love my parents dearly - they are my life - I just don't want the pressure of making medical decisions responsible for keeping them alive.  I want to soak up every minute I can with them without feeling like I am already grieving for what they can no longer do.  

There, I said it.  That's the raw of all of it.  I'm really doing ok.  I'm thankful that God has sent me an amazing therapist to tell me I'm not crazy and remind me to breathe.  I'm thankful for the sweetest, most appreciative parents.  I'm thankful for my family which includes my aunts, uncles and cousins who are more support than they could ever know.  

Doing my best....

Also....