Since I've been away for so long, I thought I should catch everyone up on how we are doing.  

Scott is busy being Scott.  He finally christened the pizza oven his mom gave him for Christmas.  He had been wanting one for so long and it did not disappoint.  

Currently, he is busy chopping down trees in our back yard.  It started with one tree and has turned out to be around 30 (mostly Cedar trees) so far.  I told him that we were going to need to hire someone to dig up the stumps.  Instead, he built this old-timey stump puller.  

Dad.  Dad has been getting stronger which is good however; he thinks he should be allowed to drive.  He insisted that I make an appointment with his PCP to discuss this further.   He is enjoying spending lots of time with Daniel. 

Daniel is busy being Daniel.  He is still obsessed with light bulbs, capacitors, and all things electricity. 

Kevin and Rana are doing well.  Rana is traveling to Syria to visit family in a few weeks.  Kevin is busy with work, helping to take care of his family, and helping out with Dad.  

Laura is as happy as always.  She still loves to listen to every version of "Wheels on the Bus" that Youtube has to offer.  She still loves Ranch dressing, ice cream, and all things "Baby Shark".  

Blossom is still with us!  She is completely down in the back but she can scoot around the house like nobody's business.  She can also still fly like a rocket across the yard if she sees deer behind the house.  Check out the shoes that Scott bought for her.  

Balto is as sweet (and lazy) as ever.

Not My Parents Cat is still around 85% of the time.  I still don't know its name or if it is a girl or boy.  The real owners told Dad but he forgot.  UGH.  I would like to know!  

Julie.  Julie is doing surprisingly well.  I give all of the credit to God; He is carrying me through all of this.  I have a wonderful support system of family and friends.  My church has been amazing and I have a therapist that I love.  I also have started writing letters to Mom.  No, I don't believe that she can read them; it just helps to put my thoughts into words.  

I keep going through her closet and finding clothes to wear.  I carry her purses and I wear her wedding ring.  I just want to feel close to her.  I want to feel like part of her is with me at all times.  I found a card that she sent me for Christmas.  She signed it:

I had it put on a leather wrap.  I even put it on her wrist in Hospice so that she could wear it too.  

I will carry her with me always.  

Blessed Assurance

So much has happened since my last post.  Mom passed away on March 28th.  It doesn't seem real to me yet.  I will post more about that soon.   

I took this photo on December 28, 2020.  It was the last photo of Mom at home   On January 8th, we called 911 and she never returned home again.  

One of the memories my brother and I share of our childhood is that Mom was constantly singing 2 hymns around our home.  Blessed Assurance and I Love to Tell the Story.  

I plan to continue to live out my life the way Mom taught me.  

"This is my story, this is my song.  Praising my Savior all the day long."  

Third Time's the Charm

Dad FINALLY received his first Covid19 vaccine.  He had been scheduled two other times and both times we wound up canceling due to hospital visits.  I was a little scared to make another appointment!  

Here's hoping he can get the second dose on time!  He received the Moderna vaccine at Publix.

2/21/21

Today is my best friend's birthday.  She turned 84 years old.  Due to Covid restrictions, I didn't get to really see her.  I didn't get to touch her hand, give her a hug or kiss her on the cheek.  

Mom and Dad saw each other today for the first time since January 8th.  They had to sit over 6 feet apart, wear masks and couldn't touch each other.  Only one other person was allowed to visit so Kevin was there.  Daniel and I stood across the parking lot and waved at Mom.  

This is the first time Kevin and I have seen Mom in weeks.  Each visit is only 20 minutes.  How is this possible?  How can there be a law keeping me from seeing my own mother?  Yes, I get it....I know.  It doesn't help.    

During the visit, our dear friends, Tommy and Nancy Moore, drove by to show their love and support.  Nancy has been my rock.  I could have never gotten through this without Mrs. Nancy.  She has been there for me throughout my entire life.  

There are still so many questions.  Where will Mom go when she is discharged?  We were told that she needs long term care.  How are we going to keep caring for Dad?  We've been staying with him 24/7 for the past few weeks.  He has fallen 3 times in the past week.  How are we going to pay for all of this?  

I've never been one to ask God "Why me?".  I've always thought, "Why not me?"  Last week I broke down.  I questioned God.  I yelled at God.  I begged God for help.  All I hear is silence.  All I feel is nothing.  I'm so thankful that I serve a God who is big enough to allow me to ask these questions.  I know that God has a plan.  I know that God is carrying me.  I know that God is good.  I'm just weary.  Even with all of the support that I have, I feel alone.  I've barely been to work in the past few weeks.  I don't know how much longer I can keep that up.  

Along with all of the fears and worries listed above I'm grieving.  I'm grieving the life I knew.  I grieve the Mom I knew.  Mom is still physically here but she was changed by the infection.  Her mind does not work like it did just a few weeks ago.  She is so very sweet but she is confused.  She sees things that aren't there.  She is very mixed up.  Dad isn't doing much better.  

I'm stronger than I was when this all started.  I've gotten the wind knocked out of me but I'll be ok.  Through all of this, I still have joy.  Joy that only can come from knowing Jesus.  

Happy Birthday Mom.  I love you more than you could possibly know.  

Week 5

Today is Day 1 of Week 5.  So much has happened since my last post.  8 days ago I came home (Mom and Dads' house) after work to find Dad in bed.  I decided to lie down beside him.  Minutes after I took this photo, he woke up.  He said in a very happy voice, "Hey Julie!"  I asked him how he was.  He replied, "I'm doing pretty good".  He asked me if I was going to church that night (Hmmmm) and then he wanted to know when I was supposed to sing my solo in the cantata.  Ugh.  If you know me, you know that would never happen.  That's when I said, "Dad, we gotta go to the hospital".  I had been warned by several nurses that from now on, if Dad is confused, we are to take him to the emergency room.  

Thankfully, due to his confusion, I was allowed to stay with him in the emergency department.  Around 1:00 a.m.  I left my sweet Dad and came home.  When I arrived the next day, he was in good spirits but very confused.  His comedy was still spot on.  He went back and forth between making lucid statements and crazy remarks.  He thought he was playing baseball and kept trying to pull out his IV.  It was getting in the way of him throwing the baseball.  After four nights, I brought him home.  He should have gone to a rehab facility.  He was clearly not ready to come home.  

The rest of my week has been filled with appointments with an Estate Attorney, Social Worker, Loan Officer at the bank, my therpist and not much sleep.  I'm trying to get my ducks in a row.  My ducks are all over the pond.  

Meanwhile, Mom.  I haven't seen or heard from my mom in over 2 weeks.  3 FaceTime appointments were cancelled due to either technical problems, Mom being asleep or the facilitator being out.  I sent an email to the Administrator (they don't answer the phone) documenting the "terrible" experience we are having.  My prayer is that Mom is having a good experience.  My prayer is that she is content and knows that we have not abandoned her.  We love her so much.  

I'm sitting in their home right now, keeping an eye on Dad.  I haven't been to work in 5 days.  I've lost 8 pounds and my neck is starting to look like a 70 year old neck.  Even so, God is good.  God is my strength.  

Week 3

I originally titled this post "My Nightmare Continues"; however, I didn't think that was appropriate.  I can't go into the story right now as it is still too raw and I don't want to relive it.  Mom is in a skilled nursing facility and we aren't allowed to visit.  So far, we have only been able to FaceTime with her once for 5 minutes.  She looked better; however, she was still lost.  I have had a horrible time getting any information about her condition.  No one answers the main phone and when I did get through to someone, she was rude.  The only reason I got any information at all was because I started sobbing from frustration.  

I'm still spending nights at Dad's house although I hope to slow that down this week.  Daniel stayed over the weekend again and had the time of his life.  I'm pretty sure he didn't go to sleep until morning both days.  I am so thankful for sleeping in my own bed for 2 nights.  

Yes, he is sleeping on 2 air mattresses.  Because he can.